Sunday, 27 December 2009

Great Balls Of Fire

The more I read about the attempted downing of that plane from the Netherlands to Detroit the more it sounds like something from a screwball comedy. Abdul Farouk Umar Abdullah may have imagined himself as some great avenger for some terrible wrongs inflicted, but in fact, like so often, he is a stupid, credulous, dimwit who doesn't even have the brain capacity to blow himself up properly. I mean seriously, how hard can it be?

As we come to the end of a decade that will always be defined by the awful events of 9/11, we remain in danger of taking these halfwits altogether too seriously. Yes we have to remain on our guard against them because people deranged enough to strap explosives to themselves are clearly dangerous. But they are only dangerous in the same way that someone who dribbles and talks to himself but is six feet tall and carrying a knife is dangerous. You cross the street from him but you do not imagine that civilization is about to fall.

These are people who worship an all powerful and apparently merciful god and yet think that his omnipotence requires them to blow themselves up for his greater glory. A child can see through this line of reasoning. One suicide bomber a while ago pushed a bomb up his arse. I kid you not. The bomb on this occasion did actually go off and sprayed his innards all over his intended target who was otherwise unharmed. Oh and the assailants arm was embedded in the ceiling. It's grisly of course but it's also hilarious in an admittedly dark way. Is that what the glorious Allah wants you credulous, deranged fuckwits? And if you really think that's what the great one wants then what kind of sick god is it you are worshipping?

And what exactly is it that they are killing for? What grieves them? They don't really know. The great fruitcake in the cave, Osama bin Laden, started out by objecting to the American presence in his holy land. But these days it can be anything and everything, from Israel to Iraq, Afghanistan to some imagined persecution and evil conspiracy against Islam. Every once in a while, disgusted of Helmand sends out his thoughts via a cassette or video tape and we all make the mistake of paying attention instead of yawning and changing channels. He's hiding in a cave for god's sake. How seriously does he deserve to be taken? He's like Hitler in his bunker, pontificating about his new world order and telling his followers to fight to the death on his behalf. Where's Allah when you need him eh? You'd think he'd pay a bit more attention to a war being fought for his glory and to bring to heel all of we non believers.

The jihad has no war aims. They have no clue what they want anymore even if they ever really did. They just know they hate 'the west' for some reason they can't quite put their finger on. It's why they tend to recruit to their cause people who are not exactly multi taskers and so have difficulty doing anything so complicated as setting fire to themselves.

I have said it before and I will say it again, these people are not worthy of our fear. They are comical and pathetic. Think of them as like the crack suicide squads in Monty Python's Life of Brian who run up and immediately fall on their swords croaking with their dying breath, 'that showed them huh?'

Every time we go about our daily business we laugh in their faces. Every time we go shopping, dance in nightclubs in clothing they regard as unseemly we thumb our noses at them. Every time we catch a flight and only grumble about the extra security measures, we show them how insignificant they are.

None of this is to diminish the heroism of Mr Schuringa who leapt on the jihadi dimwit and put out his flaming balls. Neither is it to argue that we should let down our guard. It is to argue that we must not fall into the trap of taking the idiots too seriously. Humanity always produces those who think their cause is divine, self righteous zealots who haven't the intelligence or the self awareness to ask themselves some awkward questions. We forgot that they exist at the beginning of this century and reaped the whirlwind. Now we know about them it would be just as well to laugh at them .They do so hate it when we don't take them seriously.

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