Friday, 25 December 2009

No News Today

There was an occasion, many many years ago, when the world was simpler, people called the radio the wireless and women wearing trousers was seen as being profoundly shocking; on this occasion the BBC announced that there had been no news that day and so there would be no news bulletin. Now of course there probably was news it was just that it had not come to the attention of the BBC. Presumably the next day there were still newspapers. Perhaps they reflected long and hard and over several pages upon the paucity of anything decent to report.

These days of course it just wouldn't happen. There is always news because there are so many sources for it and information can be transmitted so quickly. And if the worst comes to the worst they can always call Katie Price. A newsless day for her would be a godsend - a chasm for her to fill by doing or saying something outrageous, or just going about her normal day to day business as she prefers to think of it.

The closest we get to newsless days in this age of celebrity, trivia and the internet is today, Christmas Day. Most of the news revolves around the thoughts of various people: prime ministers, queens, popes, bishops, archbishops, Katie Price (sorry she just slipped in there as she so often does) and others who feel it timely to opine on the issues of the day and express hopes for the year to come.

And it is for days like today that we have the royal family it would seem. Today the media are reporting that they all trooped off to church this morning - perhaps the only family in the nation who still bother - and will then spend the day at Sandringham. So, that's them doing more or less what they do every year. But then that's the glamorous and exciting world of royalty for you. Yet this is reported every year. Do you think they send a reporter to check? They certainly send a camera crew to show them turning up to church cheered on by a crowd of nearly a dozen people who are always referred to as well wishers. If I turned up I would still be called a well wisher, even if I were carrying, as I almost certainly would, a placard saying 'get a real job you useless bunch of parasitical nonentities.'

But that's Christmas Day for you. The Queen's speech is on the tele, even though very few bother to watch it or pay any attention to what she says, it is still dutifully reported as if it was written into our unwritten constitution. The same goes for the thoughts of the Pope, Archbishop of Canterbury and all of those others called upon to step into the news breach.

There was no news today, so here is some we made up earlier. Happy Christmas.

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