Friday, 23 December 2016

Putin Wanted to Be a Ballet Dancer in a Tutu

It is well known that, before he became a politician, Vlad the Botoxed was an officer in the KGB. What is less known however is that this was not his first career choice.

When he was a boy he wanted to be a ballet dancer in the Bolshoi. He would dance around the house on his tiptoes all day long to the amusement of his parents. But their amusement turned to bemusement as he grew older and he started doing pirouettes and wearing a fetching pink tutu. He was a small boy and looked quite girly. He was told in no uncertain terms that this career choice was not open to him, despite the fact that in the glorious Soviet empire the very best doctors were available to turn him into a girl and make his dreams come true.

This, psychologists suggest, is why Vlad now overcompensates by doing so many masculine activities and showing off his chest to the world. He wanted to be a girl. They wouldn't let him. He has been tortured ever since and so why shouldn't he torture the cruel world too.

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