Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Vlad and Donald Sitting in a Tree


Vlad the Botoxed intervened yesterday in the peegate scandal regarding his good friend Donald the next president of the United States, whom he has never met of course, but looks forward to having a close working relationship with.

Vlad claimed, amongst other things, that Russian hookers are the best in the world. He also claimed that Donald would have no interest in hookers, even the best ones in the world, because he is accustomed to being in the company of beautiful women. This leaves open more questions than it answers.

First: how does Vlad know that Russian hookers are the best in the world? Is there a state approved scheme to approve them? How much personal scrutiny does this renowned control freak with the emphasis on freak put on this scheme? Does he visit any to keep his hand in?

Second: how does he know that Donald would have no interest in hookers? We thought that they barely knew one another. Or maybe he learned it from hacked emails.

Third: surely a man as worldly as Vlad would not be so naive to believe that, just because a man can be married to and frequently in the company of beautiful women he cannot also be tempted by dalliances with other women, some of whose affections can be bought? Surely he cannot be of the opinion that a man who talks about women as often as Donald, devilishly attractive though Donald clearly is, would not be tempted by occasional forays into the world of no strings sex? Or indeed any sex any time any place anywhere? Has he not heard that tape of Donald talking about grabbing women by the pussy?

Fourth: has this bromance been consummated and do we really have to watch while it is? How nauseating a spectacle is it going to be?

Fifth: and when it all goes wrong as it inevitably will, because both men are serial cheaters and wife beaters at least in the minimal sense of the term, then what price will the rest of us have to pay for their bromance breaking down?

Sixth: please don't try to kid us all that when you do meet in the coming weeks, that it will be to do with nuclear disarmament. You are going to be doing dodgy deals, selling allies down the river and appeasing Vlad who wants to be a big man again on the world stage. Maybe Donald should just introduce Vlad to some of those beautiful women. Oh no, no need. He can always avail himself of his country's world class hookers.

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